Medical paralysis, fear and its consequences

WARNING:  for those of you who are healthy, this will be really boring.  Those of you with thyroid problems may find this interesting.

2012 was a year of changes. 

I went from:
Climate
Teton Valley has an average annual precipitation at the 6,100 ft. level of 15.9 inches (2004). The average snowfall is 73.7 inches. In July, the highest average daily maximum temperature is 81.7°F. In January, the lowest average daily minimum temperature registers at 6.4°F.

To:
Climate:
Port Charlotte has a warm humid subtropical climate (Köppen climate classification: Cfa) bordering on a tropical wet and dry climate (Köppen climate classification: Aw).^[10] The summers are long, hot and humid with frequent afternoon thunderstorms. The winters are mild to warm with a pronounced drop in precipitation. Year round, the diurnal temperature change averages around 20 degrees Fahrenheit (11 degrees Celsius).

It's been noted that there's a seasonal variation in thyroid hormones.  I went from nearly perpetual winter (summer days Idaho were often colder than the coldest winter day here) to perpetual summer.  Medically, my Free T3 and Free T4 went up when I moved here.

Here's the medical paralysis and fear part.  My Free T4 was about 1.3 in Idaho during 2011.  In January 2012, it went to 1.4, July of 2012 1.5 (with high FT3 both times).  Because I was switching doctors and because I didn't think a rise in FT4 that small could actually make a difference in how I felt, I left my thyroid meds right where they were.  I was actually hoping that I'd go a little hyper and lose some weight (didn't happen).   I've gone hypothyroid when lowering my thyroid meds before.  I become a mass of crying Jell-O.  I hate that feeling and wanted to avoid it at all costs.  I turned a blind eye to all of my negative symptoms (hair falling out in a disgusting amount, digestive difficulties, wanting to exercise a lot and then being really tired, I was greasy, sleeping like the dead, loss of period for the most part), but the worst was that I couldn't think straight.  I was afraid to make a change because I thought I was going to get worse.  I was wrong.

The hair loss became so frightening that I stopped washing my greasy hair because when I washed my hair, it would fall out in large amounts.  Finally, I had to make a decision, I had to stop being a martyr.  I lowered my thyroid meds.  That was six weeks ago.

About a month ago, I began to come out of my fog.  I was like, "Holy CRAP!!! This is it!  Now, my life will really change."

Today, I'm happy I finally overcame my fear of change, lowered my thyroid meds, have hair and can think.  Medical paralysis and fear have slowed down the last year of my life.  I am feeling so much better.  Watch out world!

Rant: Martyrdom won't get you well. Putting on your big girl panties will.

I've put my big girl panties on!



Martyrdom as defined by Merriam-Webster is:
1)  the suffering of death on account of adherence to a cause...
2)  affliction, torture

When it comes to people with adrenal insufficiency, both diagnosed and undiagnosed, there's more of a chance that we will die than someone without it if we don't have a consistently healthy lifestyle.  I run a forum for people with adrenal insufficiency who want to get diagnosed and who want to live a healthy life once diagnosed.  I believe in education of the person with the disease, sleeping and waking at consistent hours, taking the least possible amount of meds you need to be healthy,exercising if possible and acceptable and don't drink sugared or diet soda (that's another rant!).  I do not believe in suffering, affliction or torture.

The Addison's Support Forum has one rule:  "...don't ask for help if you're not interested in working with your doctor to find new solutions to your problems, no martyrs."

This is what I hear from martyrs:

"I can't go to bed and wake up at the same time every night."

"You are making me feel bad by telling me the same thing over and over."

"I can't...retain information, get help, go to the doctor or make time to walk for 10 minutes a day..."

"I'm not disciplined enough."

"I've always done it this way."

"The doctor said to do it X way but I'm scared and chose not to."

Do you hear yourself in there?  I hear me.  I'm changing.  I'm done with fear, I'm done with lack of discipline and I'm done feeding martyrs constant need for attention and those with Munchausen by Internet.  I spent the summer feeding the Munchausen Martyr, speaking to her via email, FaceBook, Runkeeper, my forum and Skype.  I dreaded my dinner time because that's when she was waking up.  I feel sick right now thinking about how badly I've violated my own principals by not standing up for my own rules!

Being a martyr, when it comes to your health, will kill you.  You will be ill all the time because you'd prefer the attention you get from being sick.  You can change if you want to.  It won't be easy but it will be worth it.  Take the bull by the horns and put on your big girl panties. Join me in stopping martyrdom in its tracks!  Stop saying you can't and start doing, you'll have a lot less time to suffer!  Yeah baby, I'm going to have a lot more time on my hands starting now.

Giving thanks

To those of you who read my blog, thank you.  Don't feel compelled to read this.  I am doing this more for me than you.  This blog has provided  me with a chronicle of my life over the last, holy crap, 6.5 years.  

Although 2012 was a good year in many ways, it was a tough one for me.  Moving from Idaho to Florida threw me for a loop.  It was much harder for me than I could have ever anticipated.  2012 was also full of wonderful and exciting things too.  I feel so fortunate to have participated in theBarkley  Marathons and do better than I thought I could have (better than some really tough dudes!) and I also completed the Last Annual Vol State Road Race (500k).  I am thankful for my husband who made it all possible and didn't seem to mind me disappearing for two weeks at a time.

I was able to see my grandmother several times.  I am thankful that I was just able to spend her 101st birthday with her this week as well.  It's totally amazing to me that I am in my mid 40s and I still have a Grandma.  My cousin is 54 and still has our Grandma too.  Amazing.  

Thank you Paul for putting up with me and my scrambled brain and seeming lack of motivation.  I seemed to only be able to run and sit at my computer for days on end.  I know I seemed very lazy and self-indulgent.  Perhaps I am?  I am feeling better and more motivated.  I know 2013 will be better for both of us.  My brain seems to be back on track and my motivation is back!

Zane, my sweet boy, I miss you more than you know.  I can't believe it's been over a year since I have seen you.  I'm so glad you got a road worthy vehicle and will be coming to see me soon.  I can't wait.

Because we live in Florida now, it's so much easier to see friends and family.  We've had more visitors than ever before.  It's nice to reconnect with family and friends.  It's also been nice to make new Addison's friends!

To my ultrarunning friends and family, thank you for your consistency and support.  It has meant the world to me to have a built in family where ever I go.  I met Kerry T at Frozen Head, he was touching the yellow gate when I approached.  I started talking to him and he took me in right away, hooking me up with other runners and giving me much advice.  He (and Rich) fed me between my loops at Barkley.  What a treat!  I have really loved meeting the people that I've been corresponding with and reading about.  Although we ultrarunners are a diverse group, there is so much that is similar among us, it provides an instant connection.

2013 will be different than 2012.  I will be more "with it".  I'm starting to think that much of my problem pulling myself together was , in part, physical and medical.  I feel like a different person in the month since some of my meds have changed.  It's definitely a good feeling to have my mind back.

Watch out world, here I come.  I have things to accomplish this year! 

Thanks to everyone who has supported me, been friends with me and been kind to me.  I appreciate it!