What does sick look like?

A suggested topic from Sue...

What does sick look like? I know this differs for all of us. I'll tell you what sick looks like for me.

Usually sick looks like my usual day to day life. The difference is that I might appear irritated or depressed to those who aren't expecting sick Dusty.

If others look closer or listen, they will notice that I don't answer "How are you?" or to those closer to me I'll answer that question with, "A little tired today." TRANSLATION: You don't want to hear what crap I feel like today, it would be a real downer for you if I answered this question honestly, besides, you're probably not listening and don't really care anyway." Let's get real, most people don't want to hear it if you don't feel well so we minimize or avoid the question all together.

When sick translates to irritation with others around us, it's usually something they interpret because your behavior is so different from normal behavior. For example, you're usually opinionated and passionate about something. When you don't feel well, you don't care. When asked a question, you might reply, "I don't care." For some crazy reason, that response is interpreted as irritation or bitchiness because it's such a different answer than you usually give.

You might appear depressed because you're using what little energy you have to get through the day, go through the motions, take care of your family, keep your job. As a result, you might not talk much, you might hide yourself in your office completing projects that you can do sitting down.

Physically, what does sick look like? If you're not flat on your back on the couch or in the bed and you feel sick, you're up and about trying to take care of business. You might not have had the energy to take a shower, you've got big, dark circles under your eyes that those closest to you can't see but acquaintances in public places seem to love to point out. Maybe you don't eat or can't eat because you don't feel well. You might find yourself staring blankly at your computer screen at work. Wondering what the hell you're doing sitting up. Basically, you might spend the day trying to look and act normal when every fiber of your being wishes you were in bed and/or had someone to take care of you.

Sick looks like you and me. Sick appears healthy at times. Sometimes you're the only one who can see the signs of the sickness. On days like this, it's hard as hell to look in the mirror and see that sick face looking back at you, pale with circles under the eyes, the ghost of you looking at you in the mirror. For me, I fantasize about what life would be like if I didn't have the diseases I have. I wish I had a cook, a housekeeper, a nanny, a personal assistant, a valet, a nurse, someone to feed me and bathe me. Then I realize, I've got to keep my wishes, tears and complaints about being tired to myself and keep on truckin'.